Change can be challenging and one change that can be tricky is transitioning elderly parents to assisted living. They may not yet be ready to admit that they need help or they might be unsure what the options are. Successful transitions need planning, so that the changes are discussed and implemented at a pace that is acceptable for parents and their adult children.
Recognising the need for assisted living
If your parents have lived independent lives for years or even decades they may not recognise the need for assisted living.
Here are six signs that it is time to consider assisted living:
- Physical weakness or illness
- Mobility issues and falls
- Difficulty with daily housekeeping or hygiene
- Cognitive decline and safety
- Medication mismanagement
- Caregiver burnout
One of the first signs that assisted living is required is physical weakness or ill health. This can impact on mobility and one of the most common reasons for seeking care is a recent fall or multiple falls. These can result in breaks and bruises and a reluctance to move in case they happen again.
Running a house and keeping it clean takes energy, balance and strength e.g. to carry washing or climb a ladder. If the house is not being kept as well as it used to be, that can be one indication that an elderly parent needs some help around the home.
Fine motor coordination and mobility can start to impact on personal hygiene. If a parent is unable to hold a brush or comb, handle a toothbrush or get themselves into and out of a bath, hygiene might lapse. Incontinence ‘accidents’ and not changing clothing are another sign that help might be needed. Not eating as well as they used to can be another sign that help is needed.
A parent might not be able to make the decision to seek help. If their mental health and cognitive abilities are in decline they might not be able to make the decision for themselves. The safety of a parent is paramount so if they are liable to wander or forget who they are or where home is, they will need assistance.
Older adults can take multiple medicines for different conditions and this medication needs management. If a parent can no longer remember when to take medication or how to take it safely, they might need help.
Finally, a change that affects the family caregiver – burnout. If the caregiver has taken on more and more tasks as time has gone on, or is caring for longer periods of time without a break 24/7 365 days a year in addition to managing their own lives and families, they might burnout. The transition to assisted living might be necessary to prevent stress and illness for the caregiver.
Often there is a reluctance to admit that caregiving has become a burden as children want to look after their parents and don’t want to hand over the care of their parents to strangers. But, it can be beneficial for both parent and adult child for care to be handled professionally. The caregiver might find great relief and be better able to resume a happy healthy relationship with the parent.
How do I talk to my parents about assisted living?
Talking to parents about assisted living can be difficult, depending on the relationship. They may not be ready to discuss it even if it is obvious that they need help. This could be due to wanting to continue their independence as long as possible or not understanding that they need help.
Be open with them about your worries. Tell them that you have noticed signs that they might need some help.
Reassure them that you will consider their wishes. It is a big move for a parent to transition from running their own lives to accepting help for everyday tasks.
Consider current needs and potential future needs. Start the conversation now about what they want to have happen as they age further.
Remember that they’re independent adults and unless they are of danger to themselves and others, they can still choose to live as they prefer.
Think about how frightening it must be to admit a failure to cope, especially if it is with basic tasks like housekeeping, medication or personal care. Be empathetic. Imagine how you would like to be treated if you were in their shoes.
Research assisted living options
Once a decision has been made that assisted living is required, there are options for what type of assisted living facility is chosen. Choose the option that best suits your parent’s needs.
Domiciliary care – domiciliary care is provided at home so a parent can continue to live in their home in a familiar environment while being cared for. Personal care, housekeeping, meal preparation, medication management, safeguarding, companionship, transport and community access to outings can all be provided by a home care provider.
Sheltered accommodation – sheltered accommodation provides some additional security as there is typically a warden on duty. Note that sheltered accommodation may not provide assistance with personal care which would still need to be arranged. Extra care housing can provide personal care.
Nursing home – nursing homes provide group accommodation in a safe environment. They can provide nursing care, medication management, meals, personal care, companionship and social events depending on the home.
Take time to assess the options available in your area and within your parent’s budget. In the UK funding is available to help older adults with assisted living. If you are hiring a home care team, meet the team and always ask questions. If you are considering sheltered accommodation or a nursing home visit the accommodation and always ask questions.
Moving to assisted living
If you choose sheltered accommodation or a nursing home the move to assisted living accommodation needs planning. If a parent has lived in the same house for a long period it is likely that they will need to downsize and organise their belongings before a move. This is a very emotional process and they may need to clear out and pack in stages.
Create a moving timeline and list all the tasks that need to be completed. Make a packing list and hire professional movers or enlist family and friends to help with the move. Careful planning of the move day will ensure it all goes smoothly.
Moving is not the final stage. There will be a period of adjustment after a parent has moved into assisted living. They will need emotional support and encouragement to settle. Maintaining contact during this period is essential, especially if it follows a period of time when you have been caring for them full time. Encourage them to form new relationships by taking part in social events.
Make friends with your assisted living accommodation team. They’ll be working hard to make your parent’s life happy and healthy and you can assist them by telling them about unique lifestyle habits that will make a parent feel at home and settled.
Arranging domiciliary care
If you opt for home care, contact local domiciliary care providers and meet the team to discuss your individual requirements. We are able to match care teams with your needs and provide personal care, meal preparation, light housekeeping, medication management, mobility support, shopping help, community access and transport services. Talk to our care team.
Successfully transitioning elderly parents to assisted living
There is a lot to think about when transitioning elderly parents to assisted living successfully. Consider how to communicate with parents about their changing needs, what type of assisted living would best meet their needs and how to arrange care.
Parents can choose between continuing to live independently with support or being safely cared for in sheltered accommodation or a nursing home. Assisted living benefits them as they age, improving their quality of life and their wellbeing.