Living with elderly parents is common, particularly in South Asian families in London. It is not always easy to live in a multi-generational setup and there are some challenges. As the elderly start to require more help, family caregivers have to learn how to balance care with busy London life.
Cultural traditions can mean that adult children from South Asian families are living with or considering living with their aging parents. In the UK South Asian families are significantly more likely to live in multi-generational units. Between 40%-60% of Bangladeshi, Pakistani and Indian men and women over 65 live with family (Gov UK).
There is an emotional attachment to family and the cultural values of caring for parents at home is strong. However, the daily reality can be less than ideal. The younger generation are trying to balance showing love, care and duty with careers, young families and busy London lifestyles.
The benefits of living with elderly parents
Living with elderly parents is comfortable for them. They experience emotional support and avoid the loneliness that can be experienced when living alone. They can continue to take part in shared traditions. They can easily access care from family members.
For younger families, there is also a cost-sharing aspect – it is less expensive to live together. And they can feel like they are fulfilling family values and religious values around respect for elders and duty to family.
The challenges around living with elderly parents
Privacy and space are common issues in multi-generational homes. There is a strain on working adults who are managing jobs, children, and elderly care all at the same time. This can lead to stress and subsequent health problems. There is also guilt around not doing enough to support family members who are aging. Younger generations may have different ideas about the roles that families play which can lead to emotional tension.
Finding the right balance
It is a good idea to set boundaries and maintain routines that respect everyone’s independence. This will require communication and possibly family meetings to address the ongoing challenges of living together in the same space. Encourage elderly parents to stay active and independent for as long as it is possible for them to do so. Keep them involved in family life and decision making.
Sometimes external support will be required. This is not a failure to fulfill the obligation to care for family. It is part of taking care of the elderly. A support agency can be an extension to caring for parents at home, providing short term respite care, home visits, companionship and personal care. Specialist care for complex medical conditions is also available. A trained carer will know how to manage challenging behaviours professionally and respectfully. Bringing in home care support will help busy households to cope when caring is full time, 24/7 and lasts for years.
Home care services can be more financially effective than a care home, particularly if there is need for only part time or respite care. It is the ideal solution if the needs of the elderly person are lightweight – e.g. companionship and personal care. The Jothno Care team can talk you through how to apply for a needs assessment from your local council.
Make sure that you care for yourself too. Caring for elderly parents in the long term is tiring and stressful. It is important for family caregivers to practice self-care otherwise they will burn out and be unable to continue to care for their parents.
Eat a healthy diet, get regular exercise and make sure you get enough sleep. Join a support group for emotional support. Respite care will provide practical home help and can allow a family caregiver to take time out and rest or recover from illness.
Living with elderly parents can be rewarding
Living with elderly parents can be deeply rewarding. It provides an opportunity to care for your aging parents in the same way that they cared for you when you were an infant and during your childhood. It forges a deep connection between parent and child.
But, it’s okay to seek help. If the physical and emotional strain of caring for your elderly parents is impacting on your life and wellbeing, it is time to seek help. Bringing in outside support is by itself a form of caring. This is especially true when specialist care is required. Home help can support and supplement your family’s care for your loved ones.